SIDE NOTE: This night shift is really wrecking havoc on my metabolism. I seem to eat at really strange times. I get home around 8:00 AM and my body starts craving breakfast. As much as I don't want to eat anything (to try and keep my girlish figure) I usually succumb and much before finally getting to sleep. Oh well, what daddy wants, daddy gets.
Back to the title. As I was taking my after work/before bed shower, I was noticing the ingredients in my showering liquids. My shampoo contains Ginger and Calendula, my body wash says it has cucumber and green tea while my conditioner has sea algae and cocoa butter. Of course my lotion has oatmeal. Damn, I don't even use this many ingredients when I cook.
And I use the cheapo stuff, so I can't even begin to imagine what kinds of fancy pants ingredients you girls and girly guys out there are using in your bathing products. This got me thinking...I'm in the wrong industry again! I could make a killing in the bathing products racket. I figure I just need to go really, really high end and tap into that market.
Let me run this by you, in case you want to invest early before this shit hits the stratosphere. My product will be so awesome and potent that it will actually be a 3 in 1, with shampoo, condition and body wash all in one. I know, I know, you skeptics out there are a little wary of these all-in-one products. You snob you!
But, never fear, let me break down the ingredients just so you know how serious I am about blowing the competition out of the freaking water.
1st ingredient:
We're gonna start with the flower: Blue Double-Bloomed Poppy. You may remember this as the blue flower that Bruce Wayne has to get by climbing that mountain in Batman Begins. Come on people! If Batman has to freakin get the main ingredient, you know its gonna be TOP SHELF! Freakin BATMAN!
See, Batman is already hard at work getting our ingredients together. Invest now to stake your claim at the potential billion dollar windfall!
2nd ingredient:
Unobtainium. Just the name itself lets people know that only the truly elite can get this wonder product. I mean, according to the business douchenozzle in Avatar, Unobtainium goes for 2o million a kilo. Even if we just use some Unobtainium dust and put it into our product (the name is still pending, if you invest you can help brainstorm) we could easily sell it for $500 a bottle. We have to be careful though, I heard some folks are trying to sell knock off Unobtainium. We need to make sure we get the real deal.
Real Unobtainium = super expensive floating rocks. Good reason to declare war on 10 foot tall smurfs.
Fake Unobtainium = Lump of coal suspended by yellow wires. Good for barbecues.
3rd ingredient:
OK, now that we have made an EPIC product, there's no need to stop there. Let's take it up a notch and make this bastard MYTHIC! In order to make our body wash portion a good exfoliater we need to use something gritty. I purpose ground up UNICORN HORNS!
Now, you may say, but Mr. Reset Button, wait, Unicorns are majestic and magical creatures. But lo, I say nay, sirs and madams. Unicorns are not majestic nor magical. In fact, they are actually ASSHOLES.
Seriously, the last Unicorn I saw in the enchanted glen tried to trample me. And by "enchanted glen" I may mean my porch and by "Unicorn" I may mean a stray cat that was pooping on my porch. So, F the Unicorns, lets get to the exfoliating!
I swear, that muthafucka is lifting his tail again. You know what happens when he lifts his tail right? It ain't rainbows and skittles coming out, that's for sure.
4th ingredient:
We need something to help our conditioner provide a luxurious shine to the hair that it's treating. So I sat down and thought, what makes my hair so shiny and awesome. Easy answer: the tears of a goth fairy! It was so simple that I almost missed it. On the plus side, goth fairies are usually horny which will help when I need volunteers to catch them.
She might be more of an "angel" rather than a fairy. But either way she's Goth and she's probably a cutter.
5th ingredient:
The 5th main and final ingredient is something to help give our shampoo portion a volumizing component. Now bear with me cause its kinda disgusting. But, if you can get over your initial shock, I'm sure you will undoubtedly agree with me. The last ingredient we will be using will be Evil Leprechaun Man Juice. Yes, by "man juice" I mean semen. Once this component hardens in your hair it will give you movie star hair volume
He's a mythical creature so don't let his small stature fool you. He can fill up that whole bottle in one shot! And look how excited he is to help us out!
OK, I really gotta stop blogging after I've been awake for nearly 24 hours....and I feel the Melatonin kicking in so I bid you farewell for now
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