Its hotter than two goats in a pepper patch...

As it hits over 100 degrees I thought it would be appropriate to break out some good'ole Southern sayings.

My favorite that I've actually heard someone say would have to be:

"You're lying like a no-legged dog"

Can't be any more descriptive than that.

Last night reminded me on how nasty the humidity can be out here. This happened last night around 10 pm (and yes, amazingly I was on my way out to go bar hopping for a birthday). It was still a balmy 84 degrees late into the evening and as I went to open my car my hand brushed up against my jeans.

The outside leg of my jeans felt very sticky [insert ejaculation joke here: "normally its just the inside of my jeans that's sticky"]. I just grabbed these jeans from the closet so I know I hadn't sat on anything gross. It took me a few moments to realize that my jeans weren't sticky, it was my hands.

It seems the lotion I just put on to keep my dainty hands moist and supple for the ladies had some kind of crazy chemical reaction to the atmosphere. The humidity is something fierce, it feels like there is always a fine sheen of sweat that covers your extremities.

It's a deal! Lets shake on it.

I also realized that should I ever go out anymore, I really need to bring a new, dry t-shirt to change into once I leave the club. Captain Sweat Monster is a dirty beast.

Oh, so evidence by me actually blogging, the LASIK surgery went well. I was in and out of the doctor's office in 50 minutes. I was probably "under-the-knife" for 25 minutes or so, the rest of the time I was just waiting. The actual laser portion was 10 seconds for my left eye and 13 seconds for my right eye.

I'm not sure if I mentioned this in an earlier blog, but it seems my left eye is a lot smaller than my right eye. Nothing crazy, but the size differential exceeded the normal values. Also, on a side note, the doctor and nurse kept saying my eye color was so dark, and they had to take a little longer to check them because they weren't used to seeing eye color so dark.

I had to chuckle a little at this, and it again reminded me that I'm back in the Midwest. Because the doctor who was gazing into the deep obsidian pools of my midnight tinted irises, was also Asian and probably had darker eyes than I do...racist muthafucka. =)

Well, its just about dinner time so I'll be signing off. I am planning to go out again tonight, weather permitting.

To any folks reading this in Southern California, take a look at how the weather is for me right now at 7:30 pm. And take a look at the severe weather that's headed my way. Please know that I hate you.

It feels like 103 degrees with a severe thunderstorm on the way. Those dark red blotches on the left of the map...that's the lightning, rain and hail that's threatening my festivities for this evening...poppycock!

SLTSFFM

I said excuse me little mama if I may,
Take this thought and send it your way,
And if you don’t like that, then send it right back,
But I just gotta say
I wanna be on you, I wanna be on you

"Be on you" by Flo Rida ft. Ne-Yo

Seriously, what the F@CK!!!

This is undoubtedly the worst email to receive on the eve of having LASIK surgery. It's T-minus 9 hours before my eyes are put to the laser...and what do I get when I open up my inbox?

The subject line was:

FOR TUESDAY: BLINDNESS

Awesome, my LASIK surgery is Tuesday. What kind of jacked up coincidence is that? This really better not be some kind of FINAL DESTINATION moment...DAMMIT!

Shoot, I knew I should have moved Air Bud 2: The Golden Receiver to the top of my queue.

Pray for me...........

Should be sleeping but...

I was just about to knock off to sleep when I popped over to my sister's blog and found the CUTEST THING YOU WILL SEE ALL WEEK! I didn't plan on hitting up the blog tonight but I had to share this video with anyone out there.

If you like babies and you like taking baths...or hell, if you like neither but still want to see something really cute, head over to her site HERE.

Damn, my nieces are both so EFFING cute! There is a funny video of Livy enjoying a spa day.

Seriously. So damn cute!

Cool thing tho, I'll get to help babysit one of my nieces for a few weeks next month. It will be some good times. I plan to teach her the dance from the Wondergirls song Nobody (scroll down to see a link to the video or Youtube it).

Click HERE for a pretty funny rendition of the dance done by a Korean guy. Hmm, I should probably learn how to embed videos right into the blog huh?

Oh well, sleep beckons...


SLTSFMM

Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance, I hope you dance

"I hope you dance" by Lee Ann Womack

Stuffed my face...

Its hump day...unfortunately I'm not really humping anything. According to our trusty WikiPedia "An American English idiom for Wednesday is "hump day", a reference to making it through to the middle of the work week as getting "over the hump."

But, since my Wednesday is pretty much like my Monday or Saturday or Thursday...

Most of my family here is leaving today for Long Island NY to watch the Golf US Open. My uncle's godson actually qualified so they are heading up there to watch some golf. My uncle and two female cousins are actually avid golfers. I'm hoping to pick up more pointers over the summer. My uncle actually taught me how to play (and play pretty decently) in the Philippines, but that was nearly a decade ago. Since I'm so DIESEL now, I have to re-learn my swing, cause my arms are so massively burdened with muscles. =P

So, other than taking up golfing again (they actually have a pretty cool set up in the back yard with a fake tee and netting), and studying for that TEAS test next month, nothing too exciting going on.

Oh, in case I hadn't mentioned before, my LASIK surgery is next Tuesday the 23rd. I'm highly excited about it. I do plan to keep my frames. I'll just have the lenses taken out and replaced with regular sun glass frames. I may turn my real glasses into fake glasses, so I can still strike an intellectual pose should the need arise.

This past weekend was pretty entertaining. We did end up hitting a club. Honestly, I had a good time because I was with fun people. Though I did feel old I still hit up the dance floor. There is a young Filipino guy here who can dance pretty well, I was impressed. In case you were wondering what I look like when I troll the dance floor, here's some pretty good imagery for you:

I prefer the dance "Who put the fork in the garbage disposal".

After the dinner, drinking and the club we headed over to a buddy's place for more drinking, beer pong and a wonderful new game I was introduced to: Hillbilly Golf. I think we're going to start a league. =)

You basically throw the "bolos" and try to snag one of the 3 rungs. Damn those Hillbillies were creative folk!

Here are some instructions on how to set it up and the rules of the game. Its a pretty simple and fun game. Perfect for drunk people at 3 am.

Oops, I was going to blog about the food I ate during the two road trips but I need to go help load up the SUV. I'll get to the food later.

Happy hump day people!

Chicago Chicago...

Well, I know I'm not on "vacation" anymore since its a Friday night and I'm home blogging. Damn...

But, tomorrow I'll be going for a minor trifecta of sorts as I attempt to go 3 straight weekends of hitting up a club. A friend's birthday is tomorrow and she will probably want to hit up a spot after dinner. Here's to hoping its a club rather than a bar.

Before I get into my Chicago recap I wanted to shed some light on my activities here at home. Since I'm currently living with two teenage female cousins, I've been introduced to Korean Pop music. I can officially say that I'm now a HUGE fan of Wondergirls and BoA. Here's a good song, Nobody by Wondergirls. I thought this video was pretty funny. Also, check of BoA's song Eat You Up....hottie! I think my Korean fetish may be back...ANYANG HASEO!

Oh well, on to a recap before I forget too much of what transpired.

Friday
-Amazingly I actually woke up before 8 am so that I could get on the road ASAP and meet everyone at the airport and head into the city together. I wanted to park my car at the ecomony lot at the airport because parking in the city costs $50 dollars a day...F THAT!

-Roughly two hours into the trip as I drove thru St. Louis I FAILED the Color Test and was promptly pulled over by a State Trooper. The Color Test you ask? Anyone not white typically fails this test. Add the fact that I still had my California license plates and it was a recipe for getting pulled over. I figured the officer must have reasoned that I'm a drug mule.

Hispanic looking guy with CA plates...he was hoping for the bust of his life! He asked me 3 times if I had anything illegal in the car then asked to check my trunk. He asked me repeatedly what I was doing and where I was going. Of course I was extremely polite and spoke in my best "white businessman" voice. After 30 minutes or so he let me go with a "warning". Oh, he originally said that he pulled me over for following too closely to the guy in front of me, come on, anyone who has ridden with me knows I drive like a grandma and never tailgate.

The biggest thing I was actually worried about were my eyes. I had my appointment to see if I was a candidate for Lasik the day before and my eyes were still dialated. For those of you who have never had an eye test, the doctor puts medical drops into your eyes that force them to dialate making you very sensitive to light. Hmm...what else causes your pupils to dialate? Cocaine, Estacy, LSD, Crack, etc....you get the picture. That would have been an uncomfortable situation that I would have a tough time explaining, even though it was the truth.

Tho I didn't get a ticket, the stop still cost me $15...that is the difference between the group rate I would have paid had I gotten to the airport 30 minutes earlier, versus the rate I paid as a single passenger on the shuttle. I still get the last laugh since the officer never saw all the yayo and meth I had hidden in the cushions of the seat! I'm Tony Montana! You fuck with me, you fuckin' with the best!

Why no officer, I'm not trafficing cocaine. I just need extra lumbar support.

-Finally arrived in Chicago and after sitting through about an hour and half worth of traffic just to get into the city I got to the Intercontinental Hotel where everyone was staying. They had already moseyed down to Pizzaria Uno for a taste of Chicago deep dish. Also, it seems that the fellas were well into the drinking...nice!

-We did some wandering around the city before heading back to the hotel for a little R&R before hitting the night life. Funny thing tho. We happened upon the MCA (or the Museum of Contemporary Art) and it seems that every 1st Friday of the month is like a social event for singles in Chicago. It seemed a little hoity-toity but it was pretty interesting. I did get to see a pretty cool exhibit about Buckminster Fuller.

This dude wanted to put a big ass dome and cover part of Manhattan. I like it!

-As a side note I cannot recall or didn't really know the names of many of the places we hit up, but I'll do my best. I know we started Friday night down by Wrigley Field at a place called Sluggers. A typical Midwestern style bar with the small dance floor and cheapo drinks. I think my California friends got their first taste of the random and unpredictable musical transitions from hip-hop to rock to pop to Ice Ice Baby. Welcome to my world!

-After a few rounds at Sluggers we mounted up and headed to the Rush street area. I really don't remember the names of the 2 places we went to. However, I recall the first place played really sick music (which I tried my best to take advantage of) but it ended 1:45. We lamented and wished we had gone there earlier. We walked a few doors down and slid into another bar, but with no dancing, it was whatevers for me. We stayed there for a few rounds then headed back to catch some shut eye.

Saturday
-Thankfully, our earlybird friend (you know who you are!!!) allowed us to sleep in all the way to 9 am before we were roused. We went to grab a bite at Portello's (I think thats what it was called). I had a hot dog there that was very very tastey. Someone described it as a hamburger that used a hot dog instead of a patty. I would consider that an accurate assessment since mine had tomatos, onions and a whole pickle slice, along with the required ketchup and mustard of course. Shoot, I will blog about the various foods I've taken and try and rank them...but thats another entry.

-We wandered the city, hitting Millenium Park, checking out the Silver Bean and The Crown Fountain. We also braved the cold rain and took the Architecture Boat tour of the city. Pretty fun stuff.

If the Silver Surfer took a giant dump...it would look like this.

-After our sight seeing we all headed back to the hotel to freshen up. We all got dressed up for a dinner atop Chicago. We dined at the Signature Room at the 95th and that's where the magic happened. As some of you knew, we were in Chicago that weekend to be witness to a marriage proposal. And NO, contrary to popular belief I did not cry. I will have to write the manager of the restaurant however, to complain about the enormous amount of dust that caused my eyes to water...that's just poor hygienic conditions on their part.

-After the dinner and show, all 17 of us crammed into a limo and headed out for more dancing. Great music and great company can only lead to one thing = the return of Captain Sweat Monster. Needless to say, I soaked through an undershirt, my button up shirt and my snazzy vest and tie. Great times tho.

I proudly confess however that I was one of the few who wanted to party till the last club closed at 5 am. However, upon getting to the 2nd club after we closed down the first, we found that they were still trying to charge a cover. I don't think it was the money that bothered anyone, it was the fact that they were trying to charge a cover at 3 am! Bastards!

Thus, we just bought dangerdogs (and a vegetarian burrito for the non-carnivore) and cabbed it back to the hotel.

Sunday
-We had another round of Chicago Deep dish for lunch, I think it was Emo's East. They allow anyone to tag up the place, so we all did our best to leave our mark. After lunch we hurriedly got our stuff together and I rolled back with the newly engaged couple and other friends back to the airport.

We did flirt with the idea of staying one more night (as several of the folks were hanging around till Monday), but the cost of the ticket transfer was Somalia-pirate-ransom like.

-The drive home was uneventful, bouts of heavy rain then some sunshine. It did give me plenty of time to contemplate on the great weekend and made me miss California again. Thanks again to all the folks who made the trip to the Midwest and let me be a part of the celebration.

Can't wait to do it all again!

Click my heels...I'm home

Well, I'm back in Mid-Missouri for a couple weeks after some jaunts Eastward. As many of you out there reading probably already knew, I made two trips out of state. One road trip to NYC and another this past weekend to Chicago. Both trips were awesome. Got to eat lots and lots of good food, saw many old friends, tossed back large quantities of adult beverages and squeezed in a few hours of dancing.

For the sake of posterity, and since I'm pretty much utilizing this blog as a diary of sorts, I will outright steal a recap of the New York trip from my "Pharcyde-song-stealing" friend, the infamous "GB".

I stole this from her FACEBOOK page, but since it was a very complete retelling of the excursion it'll save me the time. =)

I will place some of my editorial comments in bold for your entertainment purposes:

DAY 1
*flight from burbank, ca to st. louis, missouri (stopover in phoenix)
(southwest flights outside of cali & vegas actually have waaaay better snackies! mmm...)
I made a two hour drive from Columbia to get her at the St. Louis airport, and watched most of the Cardinals game while we waited for her to arrive
-night cap & convo @ pin up bowl (drinks in the midwest really are dirt cheap yo!)
-slept over @ a roomy 2 bdrm townhome with a basement & backyard that friends' friends pay $800/ mo for... damn! (makes me wonder why we choose to live in cali sometimes?!)
Thanks again to Big T for letting us crash at his pad

DAY 2
-first tourist pit stop: gateway arch
i can check this shiny, silvery structure off my us monument list and/or "bucket list" as my friend kept referring to. very minimal architecture but marvelous to behold in person. i liked the outside more than actually going inside to see the view from the top. the tiny claustrophia inducing "elevators" they squeeze you in are something else. reminds me of the escape pods in the movie spaceballs.
I had forgotten how tiny the elevators were...I admit, I did feel some apprehension as the elevator ride started, but its only 3 minutes up and down
*road trip to east coast - states trekked through: illinois, indiana, ohio, west virginia, pennyslvania, new jersey, new york
-note: taking zyrtec is like being hit by a tranquilizer gun on a long road trip. i am seriously amazed how i managed to sleep that much
Yes, both of my passengers were often asleep...
-saw full length double rainbows in the sky to brighten the gloomy sky No gold tho...
-food stop: west virginia's famous dicarlo's pizza on elm grove! thanks to a recommendation from my cousin-in-law we got to experience their crumbly cheese, crisp crust & i even liked the banana peppers!
I would give the pizza 3.5 out of 5 stars. Would have been better with pinneapple and canadian bacon (Sidenote: I've probably eaten 6 months worth of pizza the past couple weekends)
-gps glitch caused a prolonged road trip but supposedly brought us to the highest point in pennsylvania? Actually, it was the highest point East of the Mississippi River
-basecamp in jersey: casa de francisco for the week (grateful that our friends' friend let 3 vagrants takeover her living room during our stay)
Yes, much love to my angry friend in NYC for letting us destroy her place

DAY 3
-commute from west new york & walked around manhattan (overcast day w/ scattered sprinkling)
-food stops: gray's papaya, magnolia bakery (banana pudding is amazing!) Pudding gets a 2.5 out of 5 for me. Would have been better with pinneapple and canadian bacon
-stroll to rockefeller center
-geeked out at book-off store Picked up a very random sci-fi book series called Wraeththu, haven't started on it yet
-quick stop by LEVI'S office to visit my cousin @ work... denim, denim & more denim!
Thanks for the hook ups!
-dinner w/ my fam @ typhoon in east village! =) cheap sushi, good food & good company!
-dessert stop @ decadently dangerous max brenner to satiate our sweet tooths
I put on about 10 lbs over the past week...sweet!

DAY 4
-our group did some light shopping damage @: topshop, uniqlo
-late lunch/early dinner @ bomb @ss cafe habana (blake lively from gossip girl stopped in while we were there) Blake wanted to talk to me, but I told her I was kinda busy
-met an adorable little filipina street vendor who is a jewelry designer, guenevere rodriguez. she was selling simple, delicate, soulful pieces and even gave us a pinoy discount. =) (They got conned, she was actually from Guatemala)
-geez... ANOTHER stop @ max brenner to clog my arteries with chocolate!
-ventured into a little nightlife @ santos party house in chinatown. spot was cool @ first & music was chill... dj rich medina & q-tip. then it got kinda ghetto so we had to leave Maybe we could all use geography lessons about the differences between Sweden and Switzerland...it seems one of my friends INSISTS that everyone from Switzerland is really from Sweden
-crazy taxi cab confessions night (evidence must be burned after viewing!!!!)
No comment here.........
-holland tunnel was closed so the ride home took even longer so a late night eats stop @ white castle was necessary! i've only had their sliders via grocery store frozen food section so we had a harold & kumar misadventure to check this fast food joint off our to do list while doing a great service to the world by coating the tummies of two very inebriated fools in the backseat.

DAY 5
-drove out to queens to meet up w/ friends' friends
Thanks again to Juice and Irish
-pleasant lunch @ 66 water street restaurant & stopped next door at jacques torres to get some frozen hot chocolates (a little too rich for my taste, felt like i was choking on chocolate!)
-strolled over brooklyn bridge & back... so much nicer with the sun out instead of snow/rain for my 2nd time doin the bb experience
-made an impromptu voyage out to coney island (a lil run down spot by boardwalk but interesting & lively with nostalgia and diverse crowd of folks)
-scarfed down a world famous nathan's hotdog @ the official spot of the annual hot dog eating contest (corn dog wasn't half bad & their giant lemonades hit the spot)
I could take Kobayashi...
-took a "scenic" drive through brownsville (reminds me of getting lost in oakland)
-stayed up during the wee hours of the night playing the chinese version of mahjong (all of our first times learning since we only knew the filipino way) BUNOT b*tches! Definitely a cool new way to play Mahjong

DAY 6
-perfect weather to wear shorts & flip flops (although i was freezing by the time night rolled around)
-made our way out to central park for Japan Day. didn't stay long but interesting to check out: people dressed up in wacky costumes, saw robot sumo battles & even hello kitty in a kimono.
-very cultural day... there was also the salute to israel day parade going on in the streets. there were also anti-zionist jews/real rabbi's peacefully protesting the celebration as well.
-headed over last minute to the MET! got to see the model as muse exhibition that i was dying to see. i like the angle they took to document fashion history. wished there was more couture to stimulate my retinal senses but for such a large concept to cover it was really interesting to take in. didn't have all that much time at the museum so i breezed past the modern art section, some photo exhibit & some of the asian art. we were gonna try to see the armor exhibit but darn museum decided to close up shop early on us. I was miffed that I didn't get to see the armor, good thing I stole a sword!
-cabbed over to tribeca area to meet for our anticipated dinner @ ninja new york! it was definitely a different experience! it is a bit campy but if you go in with a fun attitude like our group did... a good time is sure to be had by all! the prices are a little steep but it was well made cuisine with a touch of art. we luckily had a lot of silly characters as our ninja waiters and our group of highly sarcastic & playful individuals played off their vibes. as far as recommending this place... it's cool dinner entertainment to try out. in the same vein as medieval times... you wouldn't expect to go there multiples times or have a sudden food craving to go to that restaurant but would be a spot to go for a group party. it was a fun way to end the trip

DAY 7
-early departure from west new york to gettysburg, pennsylvania...
-our history buff friend was all bout it, bout it! civil war memorial park is pretty damn big so we didn't see it all. crazy to fathom 4 years of war going about within the compounds.
Wish we could have taken a walking tour, but it was cool none the less
-made a quick pit stop @ gabriel brothers in pennsylvania. there ain't nothing wrong with cashing in on some bargain shopping, baby! my cousin directed us to this little treasure trove and we walked away with some goodies.
-we weathered through some trippy lightning storms while we drove through ohio. whilst listening to weather updates on the radio the connection would simultaneously tweak out when lighting would strike the sky with it's long branchlike arms and legs spanning the sky. i absolutely hate being in rain (especially while driving) but oddly i find these kind of storms fascinating. seeing the streaks light up the sky seem somewhat majestic to me. but of course the mizzou natives who are used to these kind of crazy storms didn't quite share the same sentiment. imagine two grown men (well if that's if you can refer to them as men, jk) freaking out in high pitched voices in the car every time bolts would come down in the distance. luckily we bypassed the storm by the time we got to indiana. For the record, there were NO high pitched screams what-so-ever
-sleepover in west lafayette, indiana to make a friend's familial visit. (who knew cats could be racist?!)

DAY 8
Dropped off our narrating and sandwich making friend at the Indiapolis airport for her flight back to California.


Overall, this road trip to NYC was one of my favorite vacations!. We were able to cross off almost all of the loose itinerary goals we had talked about prior to leaving. I got to spend lots of time with good friends and great folks. I was able to load up my feeding trough with lots of good eats. And, with all of the free lodging and hook ups, it didn't break the bank.

Unfortunately I don't have a camera anymore so I'll have to wait till someone forwards me some pictures so I can post them.

I'll recap the Chicago trip next...