My favorite that I've actually heard someone say would have to be:
"You're lying like a no-legged dog"
Can't be any more descriptive than that.
Last night reminded me on how nasty the humidity can be out here. This happened last night around 10 pm (and yes, amazingly I was on my way out to go bar hopping for a birthday). It was still a balmy 84 degrees late into the evening and as I went to open my car my hand brushed up against my jeans.
The outside leg of my jeans felt very sticky [insert ejaculation joke here: "normally its just the inside of my jeans that's sticky"]. I just grabbed these jeans from the closet so I know I hadn't sat on anything gross. It took me a few moments to realize that my jeans weren't sticky, it was my hands.
It seems the lotion I just put on to keep my dainty hands moist and supple for the ladies had some kind of crazy chemical reaction to the atmosphere. The humidity is something fierce, it feels like there is always a fine sheen of sweat that covers your extremities.
It's a deal! Lets shake on it.
I also realized that should I ever go out anymore, I really need to bring a new, dry t-shirt to change into once I leave the club. Captain Sweat Monster is a dirty beast.
Oh, so evidence by me actually blogging, the LASIK surgery went well. I was in and out of the doctor's office in 50 minutes. I was probably "under-the-knife" for 25 minutes or so, the rest of the time I was just waiting. The actual laser portion was 10 seconds for my left eye and 13 seconds for my right eye.
I'm not sure if I mentioned this in an earlier blog, but it seems my left eye is a lot smaller than my right eye. Nothing crazy, but the size differential exceeded the normal values. Also, on a side note, the doctor and nurse kept saying my eye color was so dark, and they had to take a little longer to check them because they weren't used to seeing eye color so dark.
I had to chuckle a little at this, and it again reminded me that I'm back in the Midwest. Because the doctor who was gazing into the deep obsidian pools of my midnight tinted irises, was also Asian and probably had darker eyes than I do...racist muthafucka. =)
Well, its just about dinner time so I'll be signing off. I am planning to go out again tonight, weather permitting.
To any folks reading this in Southern California, take a look at how the weather is for me right now at 7:30 pm. And take a look at the severe weather that's headed my way. Please know that I hate you.
It feels like 103 degrees with a severe thunderstorm on the way. Those dark red blotches on the left of the map...that's the lightning, rain and hail that's threatening my festivities for this evening...poppycock!
SLTSFFM
I said excuse me little mama if I may,
Take this thought and send it your way,
And if you don’t like that, then send it right back,
But I just gotta say
I wanna be on you, I wanna be on you
"Be on you" by Flo Rida ft. Ne-Yo
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