Home Improvement

Well, for the most part, I'm pretty much done with the home improvements. There are still some pictures and frames to hang, but most of the construction is complete.

Can't hate on a show that had both Debbe Dunning and Pamela Anderson

I've come back from Kansas and am trying to finalize my school application stuff. There were some issues for a former transcript that I thought was bullshit but I had to take care of none the less. During high school I had taken some placement tests and it seems that I had needed those transcripts from that college to be sent in to the community college I took some courses at earlier this year before the CC would send my new transcript out to the University. Waste of time...good thing I have a lot of time to waste.

I do have some harrowing news to relate. Prior to coming back here I mowed my parents lawn (which as I previously mentioned, I kind of enjoy doing). I was mowing a patch of grass near on of the trees when I felt a tickle on my upper arm. I was jamming to some R&B tune on my iPod so I didn't give it much notice, assuming it was a wayward leaf or blade of grass.

Eventually I glance over and to my horror there was a big ass spider chillin near the bend of my elbow. I assume if anyone happened to be looking at me at the moment would have thought that I'd been shot from long distance by some sniper hiding in the weeds. I flailed my arms up frantically and nearly fell over backwards.

My graceful swan dive launched the spider from my arm. Unfortunately, my reaction did not come before he was able to take a nice chunk out of my arm. Yes, yes, I may be embellishing slightly about the severity of the wound. But, for purposes of scientific exploration and because I had just watched District 9, I wanted to log any transformations or mutations that may occur due to this mingling of spider and human DNA.

For the sake of comparison and continuity, I tried my best to take each photograph in the same location for easier identification and cataloging of the mutations.


Stage 1: 19 Minutes after DNA Transfiguration/Spider Bite

No dammit, there aren't any mutations yet. That's what I look like. Also, I happen to like to get dressed up after doing yard work then pouring myself a Captain'n'Coke. That's how I roll.

Stage 2: 68 Minutes after DNA Transfiguration/Spider Bite

I felt my eyes get watery and itchy for a few moments. I had sweat all over my T-zone. After a little while, my 20/20 vision became 400/20 vision. Yet, this new 400/20 vision still didn't help prevent me from getting "beer goggles" after my 3rd Captain'n'Coke.

Stage 3: 581 Minutes after DNA Transfiguration/Spider Bite

It looks like I've entered some sort of chrysalis or cocoon form. Good thing I still get wireless internet in here. Its actually quite cozy. Hmm, a bootycall might be interesting in here...lubrication shouldn't be a problem.

Stage 4: 1822 Minutes after DNA Transfiguration/Spider Bite

Well, it looks like I've transformed into a Brown Recluse Spider. Which is one of the most badass spiders in the world, so I guess I don't mind. Also, it looks like I got to keep my sweet hairdo! Now I have awesome venom to go with my awesomely luscious locks of raven hair.

Sadly, it seems that I'm not much like Spiderman and can only shoot web from my ass...so don't ask me to do it!

Ok, before I have to go crawl up the water spout, I wanted to introduce another bodacious feature into the Reset Button Universe. Ok, its not particularly bodacious, but maybe it will help you kill another few seconds in your normally mundane exsistence.

We'll call it RMQ or more specifically Random Movie Quote. Typically they will be from a movie that I recently watched. I'll try not to make it so obscure and hopefully it will have some big hints. Also, don't be a quote Nazi if I get a few words wrong.

So cyberdwellers, here is our first RMQ.

He: We'll go through the Fire Swamp

She: We'll never survive!

He: Nonsense. You're only saying "never" because no one ever has.

Hint: Think the Wonder Years star.

The answer is HERE.


SLTSFMM

Lips that need no introduction
Now who's the greater sin,
Your drab eyes seem to invite
(tell me darling) Where do we begin.

"Feel Good Drag" by Anberlin

And I'm ghost like...

R.I.P. Patrick Swayze.

I hadn't really planned on blogging today, with Monday Night Football and How I Met Your Mother on tonight. But, as I was watching Federer get upset by Juan Martin Del Potro in the US Open, I flipped on the computer and saw the headline regarding Swayze.

Next to Tom Cruise, Patrick Swayze was one of my favorite 80's Action Star. I know, most people (mostly girls anyway) equate Patrick Swayze with Dirty Dancing and Ghost, but he did star in several very cool 80's action films. Let's do a Reset Button top 5 of Patrick Swayze movies:

1) Red Dawn


I remember that there was a big to-do regarding the violence when this movie came out. Funny thing, this movie can't even hold a candle to the violence that you can see now on video game trailers. Its about a Russian invasion of the United States and the rebellion of some local yokels. It must have been a Midwest thing, but when we were out playing "Guns" with our friends in the expansive woods behind our neighbor hood, this movie was our example of what to do and how to repel a Commie invasion. WOLVERINES!

2) Point Break

Ok, technically the was a 90's movie, but you get the drift. Bohdi and Johnny Utah are still two of the coolest movie character names ever. If I ever became a porno star, I would have called myself Juan Utah. This is a good surfing buddy movie. Kinda like Surf Ninjas. Heh, not really, but its still a good action movie. As a kid, the movie made me want to move to California and learn how to surf. So, as an adult when I moved to California, I learned how to surf.

Err...wait, actually I learned that I was too afraid of riptides, sharks and was way to self conscious about being shirtless at the beach. Oh well, can't expect all our childhood dreams to come true (I'm still hoping I'll have a room in my house solely devoted to LEGOS).

3. The Outsiders
Wait a second...gangs used to consist of white people wearing jean jackets? How old is this movie? This was actually jam packed with 80's stars. Also, my cougar crush Diane Lane is in the movie. Another movie/book with sweet character names like Ponyboy and Sodapop Curtis. Hmm, maybe my porno name should be Ponyboy Sodapop Utah.

As Dallas says in the movie: "Don't you know a rumble ain't a rumble without me?". I actually grew up with a kid named Dallas. He sometimes carried a screwdriver; he said in case he got jumped...not that we were really under constant threat to get jumped in mid-Missouri. But, I guess he was handy to have around in case we needed to unscrew something.

4. North and South

This was actually a T.V. mini-series but definitely helped foster my interest in the Civil War. To be honest, I really can't remember much of it other than really liking it. As kids, when we visited our cousins who lived in Iowa, we would re-enact civil war battles we saw from this series. I've been tempted to find the series online and rewatch it, but I'm afraid that I'll not like it if I watched it again (Ala all of the old 80's cartoons and movies I've watched again).

5. Road House
Here is the most influential line in the entire movie:

"That girl has way too many brains to have an ass like that."

Thus proving to my young mind that it is indeed possible to meet a smart girl with a nice ass. AKA my soulmate.


Of course its incumbent on me to mention Ghost and Dirty Dancing. I did like Ghost a lot, and the very romantic clay molding scene is often sarcastically imitated, but is definitely a defining movie moment. So, I'll as I leave you to create your own Patrick Swayze list, lets just all agree that:

Nobody puts Baby in a corner!

I should be sleeping...

Well, I should be sleeping. For one, I'm trying to fix my sleep cycles again, and another I have a dentist appointment tomorrow morning at 7:45. But, as I put set my T.V. to sleep I was flipping thru the channels to find something to listen to as I read my book Wraeththu (more on the book later), and I settled upon TBS and started watching a movie called Purgatory.

And by jove, it hooked me. I didn't particularly plan on watching the entire movie, but the premise intrigued me. Its basically about an old town in the wild west called Refuge. A band of outlaws ride into town and find it extremely peaceful, the sheriff isn't even strapped. Yada-yada-yada, one of the "good" outlaws figures out that the place is actually a purgatory for old bandits like Wild Bill Hickock, Doc Holiday, Billy the Kid and Jessie James have to try and be good so they can get into heaven.

I liked the premise, and using the western theme was kinda cool. I've always found movies dealing with religion to very interesting and they are typically the scariest thriller or horror movies. Movies like The Omen, The 7th Sign, Fallen, Gabriel's Ladder and of course The Exorcist were very, very freaky.

Watching Purgatory made me eager to watch Legion, when it comes out next year. Click the link to watch a trailer if you haven't seen it already. It could be pretty cheeseball, but I do like a lot of the actors in it, so it may suck less. For one particular reader out there, I know she will notice that they used actors from both movie and TV version of Friday Night Lights (another awesome TV series that I highly recommend).

Oh well, I guess I'll get back to my book. I picked this book up quite randomly when I was in New York. We went into a book store and after looking around aimlessly for some time (I'm not quite sure how long we were in the book store, maybe and hour?), I decided to pick something up. Since it was actually a compendium of 3 books for $5, I decided what the heck not. 800 pages for $5 seemed like a good deal.

I just recently realized that there is somewhat of a following for these books. It took me some time to get into it, but its pretty good so far.

Here's a quick list of books that I've recently read (or more accurately, listened to on CD):

S is for Silence by Sue Grafton
Mary, Mary by James Patterson
Children of Men by P.D. James
Rule of Four by Ian Caldwell

All of them were decent. But, nothing too life shattering. I would probably recommend Rule of Four the most if you kinda like a history based mystery. Its kinda like Di Vinci Code, but not as thrilling and with more historical references.

OK, its 2:30 and I actually still want to read my book for a bit so thats all from me for now. Hope everything is all good whereever you are reading this...

2009: The Big Decision

Hello denizens of cyberspace! I haven't been able to post anything lately so I thought it was overdue. The last month has been pretty action packed. Between a 10 day trip to the left coast and home renovations/moving into my new/old condo, its been pretty busy. Busy, but extremely fun.

Yes, even the renovations were somewhat enjoyable. There is some satisfaction with working with your hands sometimes, and figuring out how to do things like laying tile, installing light fixtures, and watching your work transform a place. Damn, I really wish I had taken "before & after" pictures so I could brag about the drastic change that metamorphosed the apartment.

Oh well...back to the topics of the blog. BIG DECISIONS!

You maybe wondering which decisions I may be referring. There are many to choose from and probably many worthy of conversation.

Could I be talking about the much debated health care reform? Nah, my thoughts would probably be drowned out by zealot conservatives who just shout whatever the fuck Fox news tells them to shout.

Could I be talking about buying Chiefs football tickets? I must solemnly admit that the prospect of spending that cash and the 2 hour drive to watch some pretty shitty football is not that appealing.

Could I be talking about a decision that has vexed me for weeks: should I get a hair cut? Maybe, but more on this later.

No, the Big Decision I refer to pierces the very center of any red blooded male. Its a soul wrenching decision. A conjurer of rifts. A passionate deliberation. A tragic controversy. A life altering amalgamation of doubt, indecision and remorse.

Just what the hell am I talking about?

Whether you choose the cute and wholesome blonde girl next door - or - the sexy, rich but spoiled brunette...

This is the question that has perplexed man for decades...nay, centuries.

It seems the decision is clear...at least according to Archie.


Archie has proposed to Veronica. And in a sucky coincidence Betty happened to be walking by at the most inopportune moment. Thus ending a nearly 70 year tug of war between Betty and Veronica. Personally, I would have chosen the blondie. But this could be because I've made a recent choice to try and pursue the Anglo-Saxon variety of the fairer sex.

Why do I bring this up when I don't read or even like the comic? I guess I found it interesting that the writers decided to buck convention a bit, and decided that the hero would not choose the "girl-next-door". Did Archie feel that Betty was better off as a friend? Did Archie want to inherit the fortune that Veronica's parents possess (I've probably been reading too many murder mysteries lately)? Did Veronica's snide bitchiness win over Betty's wholesome longing? Maybe Betty didn't do anal. Who can be sure?

Read the caption and you decide why Archie may have chosen the girl who walks around in her pajamas. Two words for you: Sexually Liberated.

I'm sure some grad students will use Archie's decision as the basis of their sociological dissertation so we needn't get into it further. However, it would be a pretty interesting dilemma to have. If I were Archie I would really have gravitated towards the phrase: menage a trois.

Now, about my hair...

It seems that after a poll completed by US Weekly, its nearly unanimous that I should shear off my luscious locks.

Photo credits: Chase Guazonater.

Alas, I will succumb to the whim of the masses...back to the faux hawk I suppose. And just when I was able to pull it all up into a top knot, DAMMIT!

Not much new to report out here in the Red States. Luckily, I was probably able to visit with many of you who are reading this now. If not, I do apologize and hope we get to meet up in the future. I'm sure I'll have much more exciting events to regale you with soon.

That's it for now...Boy Gaga out!

SLTSFMM

Someone like you and all you know and how you speak,
Countless lovers under cover of the street,
You know that I could use somebody,
You know that I could use somebody,
Someone like you,

"Use somebody" by Kings of Leon