Who's the April fool now?

So it is now April, signifying that a 1/4 of the year 2010 has come and gone. WTF! Does time speed up as you grow older? Is the train to middle age an unstoppable force propelling us to our white hairs and broken down bodies? Wow, I'm kind of a drama queen at 6 in the morning huh?

Oh well...

I didn't leave the house yesterday so I wasn't subjected to or witnessed any cool April Fool's Day pranks. Actually, I guess you could consider my 401k. I'm pretty sure someone is playing a mean joke on me...if I could just get them to stop and put my money back in there.

Looking back on my illustrious career in pranksterisms, I would have to say my lowest point and most pathetic attempts at pranks came when I was in 4th grade (so you'll have to excuse my youth for the lameness I'm about to share with you).

Contrary to popular belief, one of the HIGHEST and MOST COVETED honors bestowed at New Haven North Elementary at that time was the Orange Belt of Courage. I know what you're thinking: "Oh my god Boy Gaga, is the Orange Belt of Courage what I think it is?"

Yes folks, please stay in your seats while I regale you with tales of my awesomeness.

The aforementioned Orange Belt of Courage separated the men from the boys. It galvanized the line between good and evil. It gleaned the righteous from the wicked. It elevated it's bearer to new heights upon Mount Olympus!

Dear readers, the Orange Belt of Courage showed one and all, that the special he or she who wore this mighty trophy, was indeed.....a Hall Monitor.

Did I just hear you scoff at this momentous achievement? Psshaw! I'll have you know that only the elite of the elite were allowed to become Hall Monitors. The selection process was a lot like becoming a Navy S.E.A.L. Don't believe me? I know how to kill a man only using a Pink Pearl eraser.

In my best Daniel Day Lewis voice from Gangs of New York: In the eye, that's a kill. Through the ear, that's a kill. Up the nose, that's a kill.

So, besides the rigorous year-long training program we also were required to brave the hazards of the playground during recess. The playground blacktops are were all the action happens. This is where the bonafide hardcore Hall Monitors are separated from the wannabe Bathroom monitors.

This was the sight of my uberlame April Fool pranks. Without getting into the wack details I pretty much told young kids that they were in trouble and had to go to the Principal's office. For some reason, my friends and I thought this was the most hilarious thing. Obviously some kids didn't realize what day it was and often kinda freaked out.

In hind sight, I probably could have really abused my Hall Monitor powers and extorted some extra cartons of milk from some 1st or 2nd graders (the 3rd graders were usually bigger than me already).

So, that's my lame story of the day. What's more believable, that I was a Hall Monitor that didn't abuse my powers or that I was a Hall Monitor and still had friends?

That's all from me right now. I hope the initial 3 months of the new decade treated you well. Oh, Parts 3 and 4 of The Cerulean are up. Part 5 will be up soon. I'm trying to update it atleast twice a week...until writer's block hits or until I can't figure out where to take the story anymore.

If anybody out there is reading it and if it totally doesn't suck let me know. If it totally does suck, don't tell me, because I'll hate you forever. I'm just kidding, I like constructive criticism. No I don't, I'll fucking stab you. I'm just playing, I like the feed back. I really don't, don't say anything. Seriously though, let me know what you think. Actually, I don't give a shit what you think, if you don't like it I'll shove this eraser through your temple and scramble your brain!

On that strange schizophrenic note...Boy Gaga out!