Tuesday, November 10, 2009

TV's Greatest Competitor

So, since I've still been a complete bum (more on that later) I've been able to watch a lot of TV during the day. For some strange reason I've been a weird Survivor and Amazing Race fiend for the past couple weeks.

For the first time ever, I'm actually following both seasons and have watched all of the episodes. Also, thanks to the Chinese interwebs, I've been streaming complete seasons of Survivor. I think I've already completed 3 full seasons. The only crappy thing is that sometimes the episodes get cut off so I don't get to see who gets voted off. But I get a nice recap at the start of the next episode anyways.

So, this got me thinking. Which show would I be better at. OK, before anyone out there starts laughing let me throw out two caveats for my imaginary realty show contest persona.

1) I have no trouble flying (this would be a pretty big barrier prior to competing on Amazing Race)

2) My skin would be able to take the rigors of constant sea water and sun exposure.

Ok, so lets assume that I have taken care of both of those hurdles (via hypnosis and extreme moisturizers). Lets break it down.

Survivor

For some strange reason my face doesn't tan as well as my body. But I look pretty good after 30 days of eating only leaves and worms huh?

So this show has a great balance of deviousness and moderate levels of athletic ability. I think I have some rudimentary survival skills, well at least more than some of the folks that have been on the show. For good or for bad, I think I good enough at lying that I probably could make a few alliances then break them later. I think I could fly under the radar a little bit and probably stay in the background enough to maybe make it far.

Unfortunately, I'm not nearly as cunning or conniving as some of the other contestants. My height would probably be a distinct disadvantage in many of the challenges (add to the fact that I'd need to do about 6 months of cardio training prior to the show). Lastly, my poor, old man stomach may not be able to hold down the food that would be required to subsist on.

AMAZING RACE

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Of course I had to go with my on-again-off-again girlfriend Kristen Kreuk. In case you were wondering, I was against her cutting her hair. But I guess she doesn't value my opinion much (that's probably why we break up all the time).

Don't be fooled by my odd ability to get lost while driving a car. I'm actually pretty good a orienteering and hiking and what-not. While my internal sense of direction isn't very good, with a map I'm pretty deadly. Also, I think I can stay pretty calm during challenges and not get too panicked. I think I have a healthy respect for other cultures and probably woudln't get too frustrated as the race wore on.

However, it is a race and in a lot of cases I don't like to rush too much. I'm probably not nearly as aggressive as is required to complete some of the "pushy" challenges. Also, with Kristen and my relationship, who knows, going on the race may cause us to break up forever.

THE VERDICT

So, which show would probably be a better fit for me? While Survivor would be lots of fun, I'd still much rather do the Amazing Race. You'd get to travel all over the world, sightsee for free and for a chance to win cash monies yo!

I guess all I need to do is get over this paralyzing fear of flying and I'll be good to go. Oh, that and I need to start dating Kristen Kreuk.

One last note...

I haven't put a "ring" on anything in a while but something awesome has come into my life. Welches Orange Pineapple Apple Juice. Can you say it with me? Repeat after me: FUCKING FANTASTIC.

I tried to find a picture of it but couldn't (meaning it didn't come up on the first page of the google image search). But, take my word for it, if you see this in the store, BUY IT! And when you drink it, think of me. I'll be lying naked in a bathtub emersed in gallons of that stuff. Can't you just imagine it? Glorious!

SLTSFMM

Since we in the club for now (for now)
Might as well get another round
Notice there ain't nothin in your cup
So get here and baby let me fill it up (fill it up)

"Say Ahh" by Trey Songz ft. Fabolous


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